take time
i was exited when our Rel. Ed instructor announced our recollection schedule, it made me recall of when was the last time i have reflected about myself and God. honestly, i dont exactly remember my last retreat/recollection, but what came in to my mind was the feeling i felt after i attended my last recollection, then i said to myself: "i need that!"
our school has it's own "recollection house", where it is located at the back of the campus, far from the buldings and the soccer field. it is an open hut, it is like a large cottage. i never knew that "house" is a school's property because it is really far from the school buildings and from anything else, the reason behind it is that to stay away or to be detached from the usual noise. base on my eveluation, that house could be a nice place to stay and meditate, it is as solemn and you'll feel free and it could be your 'sanctuary'.
when we arrived at the recollection house, we danced and sang a song as an ice-breaker. after that, we meditate. as i've said, the place is perfect for meditaion. as the meditation goes on, i felt my tears were falling and i kept on sniffing, it was actually embarrasing because it was so quiet then and i was the only one making that noise. gladly, after 5mins. or so, i heard someone sniffed too. *laughs* ok, so the meditation went like this: "close your eyes. relax. breath in. breath out. free you mind from anything. listen to the birds that are singing. listen to the sound of the water pump. listen to the motorbike that passed by. listen to the wind. [those were the things that we could hear]. listen to you heart. what does it says? listen closely. imagine that you are now facing in the mirror. you see yourself. what kind of person do you see? what does that person is trying to tell you? what do you want to tell to that person you see in the mirror? what do you want that person to feel like? then, the image is slowly fading, Jesus' face is what you see now. and that image you saw earlier was Jesus' image after all. now look deeply into Jesus' eyes, what does He trying to tell you? slowly, the image is gone. you felt someone's hand on your right shoulder and when you turn your head to look at it, it's Jesus saying "come, walk with me". you walked with Jesus in a place where no one is there. a place that only you and Jesus know. while you are walking with Him, you tell all your troubles and pains, you tell Him your secrets. you asked Him questions that you want to be answered. you keep on taking to him. tell him everything, he is listeting. after you said what you have to say, Jesus left, slowly releasing your hand, vanishing with the wind, but He left you a message: "______, dont be afraid, I am here. ALWAYS. I love you!" ----------- then music was playing in the background for 3-4mins, then we are asked to open our eyes! *sheeeeesh!* now, tell me, who would not cry?!!???!?!?!?!?!
when i opened my eyes, i saw some of my classmates where wipping their tears off. i was glad to see them cry, not because i cried too, it's because they were also touched and have actually felt the intenseness of the meditation. after the meditation, we are asked to share what part of it that touched or stucked us and how did it feels. majority of the evaluation was they were touched of the part where Jesus' hand was on their right shoulder and have asked them to walk with Him, and alot said they were happy. when it was my turn, i felt like telling the facilitator that every part of it touched me, but then we just have to tell "which" part, so it have to be ONE part only. so i said, the one that touched me most was when "the image i saw was Jesus' image after all", and yes, what we are doing to ourselves are the things that we have been doing to Him also. i remember the time that i was sooooooooooooo stubborn, i realize that it was Jesus' image or body that i had been torturing. *sigh*
after meditation, we are asked to draw a "map" or a "road" of our life.
apparently, mine sucks!! hmmm, do i have to explain why?! crooked roads drive me to no where and straight roads lead me to God. there aint no road where there is "death of my biological mom" because it was when i knew that she was my mom, i cut my ties from my foster parents and then there i decided to have my pride and insecurity drive, which i said, it leads me to no where. and when i was asked to share it, which was kinda awkward for me to do because i barely know my classmates and to avoid myself from questions and intrigues, but, the facilitator asked me to, and so i did! while sharing it, of course, i was crying, was having a hard time sharing it coz i felt like i wanted to stop and just cry! after sharing though, they were amazed or propably stunned of what they heard. they never knew, and they couldnt believe!! - that a girl who has this kind of facade was hiding something deep some where in herself.
after hearing my classmates "road trips", i am really overwhelmed of what i am now. i feel contentment in my life. most of my classmates nag about their parents, they would bitch about their brothers or sisters with some reasons. knowing or hearing someone else's life makes you look back and realized what you have been missing, and what i miss doing is, extending my gratitude to my foster parents and to those who stand behind my vision. you know who you are guys! THANK YOU SO MUCH for staying stranded in my life. *sniffs*
after it, another facilitator walked in. she chose five students to share their summarization of the whole sharing period. 3 students were called and after them, i was the next one. i shared 4 "summarization".
first: MONEY IS NOT ENOUGH - some of my classmates belong in lower class and they are a working schoolars. i was really touched on how they share their experiences. they have been through alot and most specifically its about financial problems. oh, should i say it's not a problem to them because what is important for them is their family. and most of them are happy with their family. they may be having problems about money but thier family ties are still stuck, and for me, it could turn most of us envious.
second: FAMILY - family is really important, do i have to explain it?! damn NO!! no matter what, it's your family that would always be there for you.
third: GOD - never underestimate Him. never question Him.
fourth: PURPOSE - we all have a purpose and that's for you to explore.
after the "summarization", the fcilitator mentioned my name - again! >.< "alright, i am glad to know that most of you have realized and have touched lives through your experiences. ok, i would like to stress out what Lee have said. i was struck with what she said about our family. it's true that no matter what we have been through and what we are going through is that our family will always be there. never turn away from your family! like what Mother Theresa said, in order to have peace on earth = Go Home and Love your Family." - wow!!!!! *sniffs*
...and there, we went home and hopefully, we, from all of our class could show love to our family to start peace
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