He Reminds Me of Reality
i don't actually know how to start this...
hmmm, you see...after the things that i've been through this year [especially these past five months] i became more sensitive and more aware...and when i say MORE, i mean MORE!! *hehehe*
and sometimes, being more sensitive could make you insensitive. in my case i have felt a terrible heartbreak. i am afraid of trusting someone again that bad. i am afraid of loving someone more than anyone or anything else. i am afraid of giving my "best" and left nothing for myself.
i guess, as of now, i am afraid of finding that someone who could make me give in again - "just-like-that"!! someone whom i could not trust myself into. someone whom i could love more than anyone or anything else. for short, someone that could make me feel that terrible heartbreak again. if i will consult a psycho-analyst, i know she/he could tell that i have a problem of intimacy and i am afraid of getting hurt.
i appreciate every guy i've met, i've known, i've seen...but after the "tragic" that have happened to me, i am now more aware on trusting guys. i feel that every guys are just the same as the guy i once knew. i became judgemental on how guys speak, act, etc. [except the guys that i've known for almost five years and more]
things do happend that way. you got hurt, you became aware, you became more sensitive that could actually make you insensitive coz you don't wanna feel that pain that you've felt before.
it's so sad that i am one of those who are unfurtunate to experience such terrible incident, heh, it helped me though. i realized that i am living in a "real" world. everything that's been happening to me are facts of reality.
no one and nothing is perfect, in our world eventually everyone of us will fall, we will all falter and get burned. no one can handle things that wouldn't involve any risk. in everything that we do and that we did, involves risk. you will be disappointed if things won't work out the way it should be, or the way you thought it should be coz you risked something.
i may have moved on and forgetting the unforgetable but i know i can still feel the part of me that was hurt. i guess it is because i haven't forgiven him enough to what he did to me. before i met him, i felt like i was living in a dreamworld. which was good and not that depressing. but since i met him, i have to be content on living with what i've been through and what i am now because of him. tsk, that guy reminds me of reality!!!!
oh well, i don't wanna say anything about this anymore. gotta face the whole new year with my head high!!
"trust God, and let His will be done!"
-Lee Falcon
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