I've Seen Red!!
[this entry contains explicit matter, so i dare you to not judge me]
mom went home from work, asked me about the boundary of the jeep. i told her to ask my brother coz he was the one driving the jeep home last night. she asked my brother and i didn't know what they were talking about, but as far as i am concerned, i heard my brother mentioned my name sevaral times attatched with all the considerations that my mom has given me. (kinikwenta NA NAMAN niya ang mga ginawa niya sa mga ginagawa ko). he has been so unreasonable when it comes to that!
i was at my mom's room while listening to their annoying and that-would-lead-to-nothing conversation. listening to them was so annoying and for the fact that my brother would never ever spare me for this kind of "controversy". though i was heating up, i stayed quiet, as always.
not till my brother angrily called me "lumabas ka jan sa kwarto, tangina, makikita mo!". when i heard him called me that way, i was like "what did i do??????"...ofcourse, i stepped out of the room and went to the kitchen to face him and said "ano gusto mo? ano ba ginawa ko?" - he was yelling at me "ako naglinis jan kahapon, ikaw wala ka man lang ginawa, tagal mo pang gumising" - and so i yelled back "kinikwenta mo na naman yang bagay na ngayon mo lang ginawa, wala pa nga yan sa mga ginawa ko" - he yelled back at me, ofcourse "sige, magsalita ka pa kundi................" - i said "kundi ano?? ano?? kung mangingwenta ka, siguraduhin mong malalamangan mo ung mga ginawa ko sa mga ginawa mo para may masabi ka!" - in case you didn't know, my brother is PIKON. he had nothing left to say to defend himself, he came near to me and pushed me hard to the wall. (usually, whenever he did this kind of thing to me, i'll get back on my feet and walk away, trying to understand his "nature" - since we were kids.)
....but what just happend was different, when i got my balance, i attacked him with full force. i hit him as fast, as hard and as many as i could in his face with my bare hands.
fortunately, mom was there, she stopped me from hitting my brother, but though she was in the middle i still tried to reached my brother and hit him again. my brother stepped back, with my anger, i even grabbed the glass and the pan to hit it to him. [ofcourse, the glass and the pan is now broken]. all that came out in my mouth was "putang*na mo!! hindi mo pa ako kilala, nagtitimpi lang ako sayo, ngayon pinasabog mo ako!!"
my mom dragged me from the kitchen to the hallway, she shouted at me to stop and asked me to go to my room.
when i locked myself in my room, i just then realized how mean and angry i was to do what i just did, and i just then found out that my left had was bleeding and my right knuckle was hurting, caused of hitting my brother with all my might.
i know how bad or violent i can be, but i never knew you could provoke me - just like that! i know i can hold on resentment, but i never knew i couldn't hold it that long.
i learned my lessons and i found out something for myself [DUH! - didn't i always HAVE TO learn the HARD WAY??? argh!], hope my brother too.
"it's either you control your attitude, or it controls you!"
"trust God, and let His will be done!"
-Lee Falcon
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