the road not taken
the collaboration of boyz2men and ms. mariah carey in the song "one sweet day" is one of the few that would easily drive me deeply emotional..
whenever i heard this song, two things would came in to my mind..i don't wanna mention the other one, it's not a big deal to me anyways..but the other one is my mom, my real, biological mom..
i dont actually wanna tell a story about her, but for some who doesnt have an idea about her, about me as her daughter, then i must tell a brief thing about her..- i didn't know that she was my mom till after a week or two from the day that she died..i was like 8 or 9 years old then..honestly, when i heard about it, i dont give a damn. to cut the story short, eventually i longed for her, for a "mom" that i can turn to, a mom that i can talk to, a mom that i can bitch to, a mom that i can laugh with. sure i have my foster mom, gez the days that i don't care about my real mom was the days that i care bigtime for my foster mom, was thingking like "what's the deal of knowing that am adpoted? am happy with my family anyways! (the family that i know)"..when i got older, more mature..i realized that having a "mom" beside me is what i've been longing for - to feel; to have..
i know that my foster mom loves me..but like the lines of some disoriented movies, "the touch of a biological mom is different from a foster mom"..i can't actually tell wether it's true or not, coz i didnt feel my real mom when she was still alive. sure at some point it is. i gez what am trying to say is..my foster mom loves me, she's giving me what i WANT!! but i can feel that my biological mom can give me what i NEED!! *sigh*
i dont have regrets! am happy for what i am now, thanks for my foster parents!! i have nothing against my mom now..she loves me more than i love her..but i just hope that i can make my real mom feel that i did love her..but like what the song "one sweet day" implies, TOO LATE!! *sniffs* but i cant wait to see her someday, up there!!
i love you mom. i miss you mom. to my moms, i both love and feel the same way for ya!
since i didnt have the chance to let my mom feel that i love her, or it's better to say that i blew the opputunity when she was still alive, i call this entry - The Road Not Taken.
"trust God, and let His will be done!"
-Lee Falcon
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