my prerogative

people can take everything away from you, but they can never take away your truth. but the question is.. Can you handle mine?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

kakaaliw

anong bago?! - la naman maxado. start na ng 2nd sem., trying hard na akong mag "bagong-buhay" *laughs* kayo na bahala umintindi nyan.

naaaliw ako, yung pinsan ng punsan ko nakilala ko lang sa cell. tumatawag kasi siya lagi sa pinsan ko at minsan nakakausap ko. after 5months na, nagpadala kami ng pix sa kanya ng mga pinsan ko, ayun oh, nagustuhan daw ako?! anak ng pucha!!! kakaaliw ah!? hahahaha!

anyways, aliw ako din ako ng pinaguusapan nila ako sa bahay. lalo na pag ung mga linyang "yan si Clay-Clay nagmana sa mama Zizit niyang .......................... " or "hindi mo namana sa mama Zizit mo yung pagiging .............. " mga tipong ganun, syampre pag nadimula un, nagiging interesado ako sa kung ano ba talagang klaseng biological mom meron ako. daming bagay ang di ko namana sa mama ko. dami ring nakuha ko sa kanya, un ang sabi nila. ngayon pinaniniwalaan ko na kung pano mo inalaki ang anak mo, yun na yun din ang kinalalabasan nito.

iba ako pinalaki ni mama Angie eh, as in iba!! naiinis ako pag naririnig kong "kaw talaga clay, para kang si mama Zizit mo na ................." (lalo na pag negative) di pleasing sa panrinig ko. kakairita!! dko alam kung ano ba talagang klaseng babae ang nagsilang sakin, ang alam ko lang, binalewala ako ng babaeng yun kaya nasa kamay ako ng baliw kong lola nung 0-2 years old ako. buti nalang yung mga tita kong kapatid ng babaeng nagsilang sa akin eh may pakialam sa akin, ayun, kaya ako tinakas sa lola kong baliw at dinala ako sa manila ni tita sheila at maging "anak" na ni Mama Angie. kakaaliw noh?!

papasalamat fin ako kasi minahal at mahal ako ng nag adopt sa akin. nagaaral ako nagyon ng dahil sa kanila. my tinitirhan ako ngayon ng dahil sa kanila. thanks mom and dad!! *sniffs*

i know yung totoong mom ko nagun, kung san man xa, i know na proud din siya sa akin at alam kong naiinggit xa sa parents ko nagun dahil naging anak nila ako. and proud ako to be the daughter of Capt. and Mrs. Ray Falcon!! *astig*

Lee rocks!! @ 5:24 AM

Sunday, November 06, 2005

origin

i havent been in Oz for almost 7 years, now that am here. i dont know what to expect. my family and friends made me think something that was never an issue to me since i was born. now that i live in Oz now, i am with my sisters and brother, my siblings from my BIOLOGICAL MOM.

when i knew that i was adopted, i was kinda sad about it coz i didnt have the chance to know my real mom better. she died before i knew it. sadness fills my heart then. i was wishing to feel her existence. i wanted to know how it feels to have a real mom beside you. that was all i felt when she died and i found out that am her daughter.

now that am back here in Oz where i originally came from. this is where i was born, this is where i was known, this is where i was loved, this is where i was kept from my "crazy lola". where ever i go here in Oz, someone would stare at me or even call my name, most of them i dont know. when i arrived here in Oz, when i was about to ride the tricicle, the driver asked me "ikaw ba si clay-clay?!" and course i nodded, and then he told the other drivers "hoy, ito si clay-clay oh, yung panganay na babaeng anak ni Zizit na galing manila, yung asawa ni Barok". di lang alam nung driver na yun na sobrang naloka ako sa sinabi niya. i didnt know na pati tricicle driver alam tungkol sa akin. from then on, i was wondering kung sino pa ba ang nakakaalam about me?! gosh, kararating ko lang, issue na!?? pero binalewala ko un. di naman talaga issue sa akin yun ganun. mejo naloka lang ako kasi biruin mo, he knows something personal about me?! and what bothers me is, dito sa Oz, ang alam nila is am a VILLANUEVA and my mom is Zizit. concern lang ako sa parents ko, si Mami Angie and Papa Ray. sila yung kilala kong parents and sila yung pinagmamalaki at gusto kong ipakilala at iharap sa mundo ko. hindi yung biological ko na mom and yung walang kwenta kong biological dad na kahit man lang ni isang tao dito sa ozamiz di alam kung sino talaga ang biological dad ko. i dont care of who they are. sila mami Angie and papa Ray lang talaga ang kinikilala ko.

haaaaay, lagi nga akong nakakarinig ng mga stories from my past eh. my tita told me na dati daw tinatagotago nila ako sa lola kong baliw na sobrang paborito daw ako. as in kahit saan na daw ako dalhin para lang daw di ako makuha ng lola kong baliw. *grabeeeh!* i cant imagine that. my tita and lola told me din na madami daw my gusto sa akin. di daw ako gusto ibigay ng real mom ko, pero di na talaga nakayanan. ipina-adopt na niya ako kay Mami Angie. haaaay, nakakaaliw ang story ko.

i know where i originally came from. am not gonna deny it, ever! but i just wished di nila lagyan ng malisya yung napanggalingan ko, coz am proud of where i came from and am proud of what i am now.

Lee rocks!! @ 5:23 AM

Saturday, November 05, 2005

shout out!

(my background music and videos)

-=: Since U Been Gone :=-
by: Kelly Clarkson

Here's the thing
We started out friends
It was cool, it was all pretend
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
You dedicated, you took the time
Wasn't long, till I called you mine
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I'd picture me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

cho:
But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get, what I want
Since you been gone

How can I put it, you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
How come I'd never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
Guess you never felt that way

(cho)

bridge:
You had your chance, you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth, I just can't take it
Again and again, and again and again

(cho)

this shout out is for Mr. @$$#0Le, jr.

i wish i could have the chance to tell him this. i wish i could tell this to his face. *sabi nakapag move on ka na?!* oo naman, basahin mo kayang mabuti ang song?! (if you havent heard the song yet, just listen to my background music. if you havent seen the video yet, just check the "etc" navigator.) swak na swak. tumatayo nga balahibo ko whenever i hear this song coz it made me think the past that i had been through. and it's true, now i get what i want since he has been gone. i thank him for everything that he did to me. he made me stronger and wiser.

-=: Before Your Love :=-
by: Kelly Clarkson

I wonder how I ever make it through a day
How did I settle for the world in shades of gray
When you go in circles all the scenery looks the same
And you don't know why
And I looked into your eyes
Where the road stretched out in front of me
And I realized

cho:
I'd never live
Before your love
I'd never felt
Before your touch
And I'd never needed anyone
To make me feel alive
But then again, I wasn't really livin'
I'd never lived...
Before your love

I wanted more than just an ordinary life
All of my dreams, seemed like castles in the sky
I stand before you and my heart is in your hands
And I dont know how I'd survive without your kiss
Cuz you've given me
A reason to exist

(cho)

bridge:
And I don't know why
Why the sun decides to shine
But you've breathed your love into me just in time

(cho)

this shout out is for my bestfriend CHELO.

i dont need to explain. we all know why. love ya labz! happy 5ive!!