silently broken
Current mood: low
Everything happens so fast. I arrived here in manila last December 18th and I was busy going out with my best friend and friends. It was really fun! Whenever my best friend and I count off the days of my stay, I would feel sad.
Hanging out with my best friend and friends and doing the things that we usually do is so refreshing. I would always say, or at least shout it at the back of my mind “wala to sa Ozamiz, totodohin ko na to!”. My life in Ozamiz is way too boring. The place is boring. I only have few friends there and we don’t hang out often. I normally spend most of my time in school, doing my responsibilities (I know I should). When I reach home, I’ll took a sip of tea (hot or iced), go to my room, change clothes, stretch out on my bed and I don’t know what’s next. Most of the time, I would think of my state or go to sleep. That’s how boring it is. Whenever I feel so left out, lazy or alone, I would just tell myself “Get a Life!!”. I know that I already have one, but am not doing anything about it.
Manila is a place that I know I’ll be happy. My best friend is here, my family is here, my home is here, my friends are here, my “kinky obsessions” are here, big malls are here, and my favorite ride (Viking) is here, everything that I need is here. I want to stay here (if only I could). Most of the people would ask me “why in Ozamiz?” then I would just give them a shrug. I may complain a lot about Ozamiz, but its one hell of a place that I know I could forget and be away of everything that keeps burning me.
2 days to go, I’ll leave for Ozamiz. Leaving Manila is difficult for me, but I have to. As I’ve said, Ozamiz is a place where I could forget and be away of everything that keeps burning me. You got it right; there is this one thing that I want to get away from. They say that running away from your problem wont help, in my situation now, it would.
I cried myself late to sleep last night. When I woke up at around 10:30 in the morning I tried my best to feel better and to forget the feeling I had last night; so I went downstairs, took a glass of water, washed few of my clothes, and watched a movie on DVD. Bad choice of movie cause it didn’t stop torturing me. I feel like these lines belong to me:
“If you leave now, everything we have will be perfect forever.”
“All we have is how you remember me, and if I know that am remembered that way then I can face anything! God Nelson, you are my immortality!”
“I need to do this, just like I need to know that you go on and have a beautiful life, the one you deserve.”
“You have me, FOREVER. Now, let me go.”
*sigh*
Running away or letting go of this one is so hard. I’ve been through this process several times but I just couldn’t endure the pain, but at least I know now what to do.
(It’s not you that I want to let go of, it’s the “thing” that I know I can never have from you. All I need is time, sooner then I’ll be cool with you. Remember, I still care.)
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