Lithium
I have nothing in mind to put as a title here in my post; I am currently listening to Lithium by my ever favorite band Evanescence on my mp4 and deym it could incredibly explain how I feel now.
What did I do when I woke up this morning? Looked on my both phones; I got 1 message from Paolo on my smart and 3 messages on my globe; Precious, Merlene and Third. All were saying “good morneeeeeng!” but Precious was the only one who texted me about “inuman” this coming Saturday. Oh I hope I could come! *argh* after reading all the messages, I got up, went down stairs, looked for my lil cousin, gave him a big hug and kiss (he brightens up my morning when he would kiss me back and tell “tagal mo lagi gumising ate lee, wala na kanin para sayo.” *laughs*), then went to the bathroom, sit at the dinning room, took a mug of tea (normally, there is no breakfast left for me when I wake up every morning so I’d settle for a tea), went to get some money down town for my allowance, went back home, watched DVD (a walk to remember, if only and happy feet), took a bath, ate my lunch and went straight here, in the café.
I have my 1-3pm class today, it’s my major class and I have several absences in this one, I mean I go to this class, am physically present but in my Prof’s record, I have almost 10 absences because he would indicate absent on the student who does not wear the proper F and B uniform. Uhhh, yeah I have not been wearing my F and B uniform since he told us so and am not the only one though. It is so unpractical, we already have OUR uniform and yet he wanted us to wear ANOTHER uniform, we look ridiculous, say like selling a bible. Alright, I may be working with our school’s paper and we have taught our fellow students to follow rules in school and not nag and complain to the administration about it and that I should practice what I preach is that sooooo? To cut the story short, I decided not to show up today. Even if am present, I’ll still be absent in his record so I don’t mind missing a lesson at all.
Ok, that’s not the issue here. I just want to live, OK? People have ways on how they would live their life and I am one of them, so why won’t you just let me be? I want to take chances on whatever fate, destiny, stupidity, insanity, God, people, demon, fairies or whatever has given me. I don’t want to live thinking ahead about all the negative effects or consequences on whatever action I make. I have my own mind and heart, and yes I might need an outer perspective but just stop until there. Don’t try to control me, don’t try to change my faith and my beliefs. Am a grown “girl” now. I want to actually feel it. I know am capable of “amazing” things, do you? I mean, you have faith in me, don’t you? I want to change, I want you to see me change, but every time I tried to, you would give me the same old reactions and comments about what I am going though. Why not take a moment with me, simply listen. It may be boring or it may be the same old story but don’t try to spoil it; it makes me lose hope on myself, on my capabilities. I respect you. Respect me too.
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